I don't have any props but my jokes are just as bad.
This Sunday morning at 10 a.m., the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center will host the annual St. Patty’s Day breakfast, where Massachusetts politicians get a chance to roast their peers and tell a whole bunch of terrible jokes. It’s one of my favorite events of the year, and I can’t wait to watch (it’s on NECN).
But this year I thought to myself, “Hey, these elected officials and candidates aren’t the only ones that can write terrible political jokes. In fact, I write terrible jokes about politics all the time!” And so I decided to offer my readers a little preview of what you can expect on Sunday morning.
I hope you will add your own terrible (but not inappropriate) jokes in the comments. Remember, this is all in good fun:
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Good morning and welcome to the annual St. Patty’s Day breakfast! Before I introduce your host, State Senator Jack Hart, I wanted to welcome a few important guests.
It’s great to see that Governor Patrick was able to make it. I had concerns when I heard Tom Nee offered him a police escort. In fact, we took a poll. 35% of respondents thought the Governor would make it, 30% said he wouldn’t, 25% said they didn’t care, and the Boston Herald said he was busy mugging elderly, blind women at the RMV.
Treasurer Tim Cahill is here today. We asked him what he wanted to have for breakfast this morning, but Tim said he couldn’t understand the menu until he hosted the event. We didn’t mind though, because he also gave us $20k just to speak for 15 seconds.
Charlie Baker couldn’t be here this morning. He wanted to come, but thought Governor Patrick’s new anti-bullying law might get him thrown in jail. Seriously though, Charlie was planning to show up, but when his driver asked him if he should use the Ted Williams Tunnel he refused to answer the question.
Oh, hold on one second. Speaker DeLeo and Senate President Murray wanted me to make an announcement: There is not enough corn beef to go around this morning so you will all have to eat 5% less. You will also have to pay an extra dollar for potatoes and you can only drink water.
With that out of the way I wanted to welcome Senator Scott Brown back to South Boston. You may remember that Senator Brown filmed a commercial here in Southie and actually won its two wards. He actually thinks the parade this afternoon is in his honor.
I also wanted to welcome Lt. Governor Tim Murray. If the LG has seemed a bit feisty lately it’s because he thinks Paul Loscocco and Richard Tisei are trying to steal his lucky charms.
Secretary of State Bill Galvin is here. Little known fact about Secretary Galvin: he is the single biggest beneficiary of the state’s film tax credit.
Attorney General Martha Coakley is here. It’s great to see that she finally showed up.
Well, I better wrap this up. If I don’t finish soon it will be Evacuation Day, and we all know Senator Hart doesn’t work on the high holiday….
Bob Deleo’s joke about Tom Butler last year was the high point of the day. He praises all the good charitable work he does, even when he’s recovering from being hit by a car. Punchline: “He’s the epitome of South Boston: A guy on disability.”
Martha Coakley’s here today. Rumor has it she’ll even be talking with the crowds. So, that means that she’ll meet more voters today than during her entire Senate campaign.